Fairy Tales vs Reality

By Francesca Anastasi - aka Sabeya

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​“The ‘in love’ phase is a chemical rush that clouds judgment.”

We’ve all been sold the fairy tale, right? The happily ever after, the belief that once you find "the one," everything magically falls into place. From Disney movies to rom-coms, we’ve been conditioned to think that love is easy, that once you’re in a relationship, it’s smooth sailing. But life doesn’t work like that, does it? Reality hits and you find yourself in a relationship that over time makes you unhappy. It’s not what you were led to believe.  At first, everything felt exciting, like a whirlwind of emotions, but over time, those intense feelings start to settle, and you’re left questioning… Is this really what I signed up for?

And when you express your feelings, society often comes back with this idea that relationships require work, as if being constantly at odds with your partner is somehow normal.  A relationship that feels like work is a sign that something isn’t aligning, and that’s a hard truth many of us don’t want to face.

Here's the truth: relationships where both individuals are truly compatible don’t require any “work.” When two people are truly compatible, the relationship flows. Disagreements happen, sure, but they get resolved with mutual respect and understanding, not endless tension. A relationship built on compatibility flows naturally. It runs in harmony because both partners understand each other, support each other, and move through life together, not against each other.

Think of it like this: when two people are on the same page, facing life as a team, it feels effortless and not because you never disagree, but because there’s no constant battle for control or validation. There’s space to be yourselves without trying to mold the other person into someone they’re not. And isn’t that the kind of connection we all crave?

So why do so many people struggle in relationships that seem to start well? I mean, we all have that friend, or maybe we’ve been that person, who thought they had found ‘the one,’ only to realize, months or years later, that things weren’t as perfect as they seemed in the beginning. So, what happens between that magical start and the eventual downfall?

Here are a few things to look out for before committing:

1. Rushing into it before really knowing the person. Time reveals so much. In the early days, it’s easy to overlook flaws or differences because everything feels new and exciting. But time has a way of peeling back those layers, revealing the reality of who someone truly is. You need time to see them under stress, in moments of frustration, and in situations where things aren’t going their way. This is when their true character shines through.
   
   
2. Ignoring red flags, or worse, not knowing what red flags to even look for. Be aware. We’re often blinded by love or by the idea of what we want the relationship to be. We ignore behaviours that make us uncomfortable or rationalize things that feel off. But here’s the thing, those little warning signs are your gut trying to tell you something important. Pay attention to them. 
   
   And if you’re unsure what red flags to watch for, I’ve got something for you. I’ve have a free PDF called “Are You Dating an Abuser?” It’s a quick reference list of the signs of potentially abusive partners, behaviors that might seem small at first but can grow into serious issues over time. You deserve to know what to look for to protect your emotional and mental well-being. So, if you want to learn more, download it here.
   
   
3. Believing that a legal commitment will somehow solve the problems that were already there. Some people think marriage or a serious commitment will ‘fix’ everything, that it’s the next step in solving their relationship issues. But the truth is, commitment doesn’t erase problems. In fact, it magnifies them. If there are unresolved issues before you walk down the aisle, they’ll still be there afterwards, but now they’re harder to escape.
   
   

So, here’s some hard-earned wisdom: 

Don’t rush into a commitment before you truly know the person you’re committing to. 
I can’t stress this enough: time is your best friend when it comes to relationships. The more time you give yourself, the clearer the picture becomes. Do they respect your boundaries? Do they support your goals? How do they handle conflict? These are the questions that matter. You don’t want to be one of those people saying, “You were different when we were dating,” or “You never showed me this side of you.” And trust me, I’ve heard it so many times before. People look back and wonder where it all went wrong, and the truth is, it wasn’t that things changed—it’s that they didn’t take the time to see things clearly in the first place.

Take your time.
The initial "in love" phase is a chemical rush that literally makes us a little... well, stupid. It clouds judgment. That rush of dopamine and oxytocin can make even the biggest red flags look like carnival balloons. We get so swept up in the excitement that we ignore the little things that make us uncomfortable. That’s why it’s crucial to get past that phase before making any life-altering decisions. It’s vital to see how the other person handles challenges, frustration, and life’s curveballs. Whatever little red flag you notice now, believe me, it will get worse over time, not better. That’s a guarantee. A small issue today could become a major problem tomorrow. That thing you brushed off in the beginning? It’s not going anywhere, it’s only going to grow.

Getting into a legally committed relationship is easy. But getting out of one that turns toxic? That’s a different story. It’s painful, expensive, and it takes a toll on your mental health. The emotional toll of untangling yourself from a toxic relationship is something most people don’t consider at the beginning. It’s not just the heartbreak; it’s the financial strain, the long legal processes, the division of assets, and the deep emotional wounds that take time to heal. It can leave you feeling broken, questioning everything.

So what’s the rush? If the other person is truly compatible, they’re not going anywhere. Take a deep breath. If they’re the right person, they’ll understand the need to take things slow, to truly build a solid foundation. And if they’re not? Well, you’ve likely saved yourself a world of hurt.

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"Are you Dating an Abuser?"
Download here

​If you think you are experiencing emotional abuse,
​contact your local or national domestic violence hotline for guidance.

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